i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
How does one acquire holy water?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
