I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
