Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Randomize
