I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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