Whod you bang
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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