FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
