I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
