lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
