i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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