You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
