i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
