So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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