I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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