You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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