did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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