I queefed so loud it echoed.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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