Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
