that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
You don't make any sense
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