halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
