This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
