508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
can u get pink eye on your cock?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
