someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
