Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Randomize
