im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
The Olympian is in my bed
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
