me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
you are never too drunk for berry picking
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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