I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
