True but thats because hes a fetus.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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