I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
