thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Randomize
