This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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