Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
