Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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