he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
my poor anus
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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