did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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