I am puke
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
