Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
