Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
