Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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