Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Randomize
