how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
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