saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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