In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
