i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
