i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
