You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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