Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
