Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
