i just sent this text using only my big toe
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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