Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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