The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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