The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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